My Chinese oral exam was a bust.

I had to perform a dialogue with a partner, but she hadn't memorized any of her lines. I ended up coaching her through it. After two minutes of this, I lost track myself while trying to figure out what she was saying, and there was this awkward silence. Then I just said her line, she repeated it, I said my line, whispered hers, she repeated it...

Disaaaaaaaaaaaster.

Why is it that this semester, I'm always partnered with people who don't pull their weight? I looked like a pretentious ass, feeding her the lines, and since I was basically saying everything (in front of a crowd, oh god) my voice was shaking and god KNOWS if I got the tones right through all that.

and someone is texting in class, I am going to take their phone away, tape it to the wall, and let the student watch their friends' texts go unanswered. And I will cackle to myself, and it will be good.


Also, I think I'm giving my sister the Amanda Palmer vinyl for Christmas. Maybe.

At a tutoring session. Pretty much a word-for-word discussion.

Me: Um. Sorry?
Student: You're following the path of the antichrist. I heard you talking about God at lunch, and that isn't God.
Me: I'd rather we talk about your use of the passive voice in your essay, actually.
Student: The antichrist is going to preach that God is love, and that's what you said. I heard you.
Me: God.. .isn't... love? Wait, no. You know what, let's talk about your essay.
Student: I don't want to. Your soul is on the line.
Me: Don't worry, I'm in a family of Catholics. So I noticed your thesis statement seems a little unclear--
Student: And homosexuals will burn forever in hell, you know that, right?
Me: Mm. Okay, you might want to talk to the writing center about your paper, then. I can't help you.
Student: It says in Leviticus that---
Me: _______, I'm afraid that if you want to finish your paper by tomorrow, you're going to have to stop worrying about my immortal soul, google "passive voice," read your paper aloud to your roommate and stick to the writing center for guidance.
Student: Do you believe in Hell?
Me: Goodbye, _________.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FRESHMEN RELIGIOUS FANATICS WHYYYYYYYYY.

Also, on a good note, I was despairing for humanity when one of my friends saw me (the student was gone by this point), sat down, asked me what was wrong, and then ranted for a good half an hour about people who give Christianity a bad name. Then we talked about how St. Theresa of Liseux was a total badass. I love sane Christians. I love sane Christians.

Alright, done ranting.

Meh.


My friend won the Home Coming Out King/King-Queen title, though, as she dressed in multiple genders throughout the night. (usually, she tapes her chest and tucks away her hair, so seeing her in a miniskirt with her hair down and face made-up--wow, cue transformation montage scene!)

On the whole, though, it wasn't very interesting, and it made me wonder: Have I lost my taste for drag shows, or are the drag shows I go to sub-par, and I have nothing to compare them to? However, I'm glad this is the deepest conundrum I have to face, inner-spirit-wise. Everyone else seems to be going through existential angst--been there, done that. Had my moments of Vonnegut.


Rocky Horror, on the other hand, was fantastic. Also, I'm hanging my clothes dry, and my room looks like its been attacked by limp Ugly Wuglies.

I've finished all my homework. I have no impending deadlines. The trees are bright orange and covered with harmless moss, it's rainy and wet outside, and I have spicy mayan hot chocolate on the side table while I make comments on student papers. The papers are all about science fiction.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

So 1. Why are we writing research papers in pairs?

and 2. Why can't my assigned partner know that you write your part BEFORE THE DAY OF THE DEADLINE AARGH.

 

Thirty minutes until class and she hasn't sent me a thing. I gave her a deadline. If she doesn't reach it, time-wise, I'm sending MY work to the professor. This is my effing MIDTERM GRADE, you ASS.


Rant done.
 

hack sniffle shhhnnrrk smrf.

I'd go to the school clinic, but they might think I have swine flu, which means I'd need to be sent to the proper doctors while exam papers are not writing themselves.

So I'm going to finish studying for Chinese, shower, do my laundry, and go to class wearing toasty warm clothes.

Also, all the tones in Chinese can be disconcerting. My classmates continually mispronounce the word for "Please," and accidentally say "Kiss" instead. And apparently a mispronunciation of mine had the professor doubled over in hysterics--I didn't ask.

Oh god. I made three different types of bread today. I had to stop myself after the third loaf because I realized that A) There's only so much me, my sister, and friends can eat in one week, B) We don't have any ravenous, lanky men to throw the leftovers at (Brother-in-law doesn't count--he only likes candy) and C) Three loaves in one day is ENOUGH.

But it is fabulous.

Also, Mom's birthday, then Aunt's birthday, then Grandmother's birthday, all one after the other. Oi vey.

At least I have bread! 

Hayao Miyazaki's film, Ponyo, is playing at my theater tomorrow.


Fab-u-lous. I haven't been able to see any of his films in theaters before.

Meteor shower last night, by the by! I saw one, in the gap in the clouds. Curse you, August storm season.

Since I was up all night with stomach cramps and couldn't stand without the room spinning today, I could write nonstop without being upbraided for it. 16 pages! Needless to say most of it will be edited down, but no matter!

Strangely enough, it was nonfiction. Sort of. Go figure, right?


On a side note, sister's dog CHOKED UP A RAT. Then he tried to eat it whole, again.


See, this is what happens when you make a dog vegan. They may get the same nutrients as any other dog, but they thirst for meat. Also, ew, rat. I know they have issues with the woods out back being full of them, but there's nothing quite like watching a labrador hock up a hunk o' rodent to give you pause.


*shudder*

At least the lettuce in my fridge is. It might as well be crunchy water.

Why does it keep showing up, anyways? Salads with this lettuce in it are never fully eaten. Kale is much more interesting. Okay, more expensive, but at least I'm not scarfing up the dejected cousin of the vegetable world.

MY LIFE IS SO INTERESTING OH MY GOD.

This is what happens. You spend weeks obsessing over a wedding and you end up babbling about lettuce.

So we got the first photos back from the wedding, and they are adorable. My sister and her husband are seriously too cute.



( Three adorkable photos under the cut... )

My sister's wedding was held on a beach. During the course of the day, people saw dolphins surfing on the waves, a stray kitten was adopted and proceeded to be cute all over the place, the bridesmaids had matching rice-paper parasols, and a double rainbow appeared. (A double rainbow also appeared the day they agreed to be engaged, I think.) What a remarkable amount of cheese for a wedding full of vegans, I must say.

They are done! 

*victory lap, roar of the world's approval, early christmas, etc. etc.*

I just sneezed so hard that the people on the other side of the wall shouted for me to keep it down.


I hate you, pollen.

I hate you so hard.

www.picturesforsadchildren.com/comics/00000263.png


Also, the gay storm ad? Hilarious.

I had no idea I could affect the weather.

So I should have beat Mssr Le Asshole (who shall be called Rippington from now on, because it amuses me) today, in fencing. Actually, I did. I beat him 5-2. HOWEVER, despite the fact that I stabbed him point blank just below the heart twice, both times he said, "You hit me on the arm!" or "You hit my neck!" Both of which were a good distance away from where I actually hit. I called him out on it (sorry, man, but Chest does not equal Neck. Ever.) but the professor wasn't watching, and he's an obstinate toddler at heart. The third time, I got pissed and he said, "Fine, fine! 3-3." The score was 2-2 before that(and should have been 4-2 in my favor). I called him out on THAT, and he said I was trying to cheat. Then, when his sword slipped off my shoulder, he said, "OKAY I WON," and reported it to the professor before I could do anything about it.


So let's see... overall, I hit him six times. He hit me twice. And he reported it as his 'win.'

Cue seething.

 

But despite what he said, he KNOWS that a girl almost two feet shorter than him kicked his ass TWICE.

I admit, my saying, "Take it like a man!" when he was whining about the stabbage was probably not the most tactful choice. But it was funny as hell.